Pa, I Still Miss You

Pa, it's been exactly 2 years since we lost you.

I still miss you.

Chinese New Years and Christmas just isn't the same anymore. Neither is returning to the JB home - there is a big gap in the house, and sometimes, I get annoyed that you didn't take care of your own health more.

Sometimes, it feels like you're on a long, long holiday.

Sometimes, the memories of all the tears, the pain, the heartache - they come in repeating flashbacks. These often lead me to ask myself if I/we did our best, and my heart would palpitate and sink to the bottom of my stomach.

Sometimes, images/memories of your smiling face comes to mind.

Sometimes, I ponder about what you're doing in heaven. If you're smiling and looking down from heaven, and praying over us with Jesus. Or if you're tending to the Heavenly Gardens, or just sipping coffee with Jesus.

Sometimes, I wish you didn't die, and that this is all just a dream, and that I'll see you soon, when I get back to JB. I wish I could still see you in the garden, tending to your bonsai, your koi fishes, and brownie. Brownie misses you too, you know. He was very silent for a very long time. Mum - she misses you the most, followed by the 2 girls and Nick.

The little girl - she didn't get the chance to meet you. And our future children too - let's keep the reunion to when we all reunite in heaven, in the end.

I still miss you, old man. I'll see you when I do.

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