To quit the habit of complaining, we need to understand one of the most important step: to be able to identify the behavior when you see it, and to the action of stopping it. A common pattern of chronic complainers is that they self-identify with the negative thoughts that runs through their minds, AND they then unarm themselves by saying:
You might say, "Hey, what's wrong with that? That's true." In fact, it's true, but it's not complete. It's inaccurate too, to a certain extent. It is good to take responsibility for your own thoughts, but here are two tasks left out: (1) you don't want to identify and agree with those those thoughts STAYING there and (2) you can think MORE POSITIVELY.
See, the "I don't know how to stop myself" is a trap to unarm you from the belief that you can do better, you can improve, you can stop yourself from thinking so negatively. In fact, you can become more and more positive by thinking more positively, more often.
A better statement will be:
"I am aware and I recognize there negative thoughts that are going through my mind. But they aren't me. I can replace those thoughts with positive alternatives."
You have the power inside, to re-condition your minds and thoughts, but fundamentally, stop engaging in blame-talk. Blame talk is "I am ____ because (blame)." Understand and realize that your mind is like a transmitter, and thoughts will fleetingly come and go, through your mind, and they are not you.
Okay, although these fleeting thoughts are not you, but if you keep them in your mind, repeat them over and over, they will have a strong hold in your mind. They are called "strongholds" for a reason. Strongholds condition your mind over a large extent; we become our dominant thoughts and belief structures.
It's like the food that you eat everyday, they will condition and influence how your body would act and become within one year. Directly, they influence your nutrition physiology and the body you have. Note that you can always change the food you eat anytime, which will also change and recondition your body's physiology with the new food.
This explains why negative thinking is difficult to break, like drug addiction. It causes a habit to form, of which, when you try to break, you can feel disempowered and even have withdrawal symptoms. If you keep holding and storing these negative thoughts, you can condition your mind to "look for" these negative inputs from your surroundings, social or physical or literal. On top of that, your brain can re-wire itself to "re-enact" these negative emotions and memories. You'd ooze negativity and attract negativity.
This is a mighty trap, as it is self-induced, and can be potentially perpetual, and spirals. Negative thinking == Negative feeling == Negative experience == Negative thinking…
Realistically, most people that fall into this pattern can almost never exit this pattern. It's just that strong of a trap to escape. Even if they acknowledge it, it doesn't help as they keep reinforcing it. Even if you scold yourself for being negative, you just get deeper into the pattern, not coming out of it.
From my personal experience, most who enter this pattern of negativity will be stuck there until or unless they develop an awareness or an increased consciousness. They have to realize and recognize that they're stuck and trapped, and that continuing to fight negativity negatively can not be done.
The best solution, is to stop resisting and surrender. Acknowledge and accept negativity, and be more aware.
Thoughts that are in your mind, may not necessarily be yours. They can be fleeting thoughts that come and go, and some, when repeated often enough, will become strongholds in your life. Now, be aware of the thoughts that are in your mind, don't identify with them, don't start justifying them, just be aware of them like "Oh, I feel a little confused", "I'm not sure…", "I don't want to do that…", "kill that…" whatever that comes to your mind, just let them float by.
See through the eyes of the observer.
Relax, and let them float by. Don't fight it. Remember the reason you're here. It's to deal with a situation, by increasing your consciousness, so what you're doing, you're taking in all your observation of fleeting thoughts as they are, no need to explain or understand them. They are thoughts that are floating around. You're learning to stay focused on what is important, to create positivity instead of negativity. It may take you more than you think, but that's alright. What's most important is you're starting out. You're experiencing what you're supposed to be experiencing so you can learn to deal with things.
There's no hurry to working out and through your negativity. Take your time, some things cant be rushed. Elevating your consciousness can be very daunting, as you start to increase your awareness, you realize the amount of potential power you have within you, within your mind, and you may not feel ready for it yet. Feeling that your entire world and creation of you is within your control can be scary. What happens if you screw up? What is you make the wrong choice? You know what? It's these self doubts that will keep you in your world of negativity.
That's why people choose to avoid, ignore and escape this responsibility. Their self-doubt and fear is limiting them, they make-believe that they have no power to change anything. Interesting, how people use the very same tool of creation to create an illusion that they have no power, to strip themselves of their own power to create.
A deeper reason why you may be in a negative pattern is because at some point ago, you decided to. You thought that the other option of taking, accepting and living a life full of responsibility for your world will be worse. So, you created that illusion to tell yourself you cant do it. Negativity is not permanent. You have the freedom to choose. You begin to accept and embrace more and more responsibility for your own life.
This is the real solution – taking responsibility. You must say to yourself, mean it and believe it, that you want to accept more responsibility for everything in my life, and in my experience, from this day forward.
Here are some examples of accepting responsibility:
If I want something, it's up to me to achieve it.
If I don't like my present circumstances, I must end/change it.
If I'm unhappy, it's because I'm creating it.
What I like about taking responsibility, it also gives you credit for good things (on top of God things) – they didn't just happen to you. You help facilitate it. Accept responsibility, as much as you can. Complaining, is the exact opposite of taking responsibility. Blaming is shifting responsibility from yourself to other people or things.
You know, when you catch yourself starting or in the midst of complaining, do try to stop yourself and ask if you want to continue denying and shifting responsibility for your own life, your reality, even your destiny. Maybe you think you're not ready, but do take the time to think, reflect and be more conscious.