How Do You Love?



I suddenly recalled a love story that I read many, many years ago as I was walking back home from the grocer's today. The story goes like this:

The passengers on the bus watched sympathetically as the attractive young woman with the white cane made her way carefully up the steps. She paid the driver and, using her hands to feel the location of the seats, walked down the aisle and found the seat he had told her was empty. Then she settled in, placed her briefcase on her lap and rested her cane against her leg.

love languages

It had been a year since Lois, thirty-four, became blind. Due to a medical misdiagnosis she had been rendered sightless, and she was suddenly thrown into a world of darkness, anger, frustration and self-pity. Once a fiercely independent woman, Lois now felt condemned by this terrible twist of fate to become a powerless, helpless burden on everyone around her.

"How could this have happened to me?" she would plead, her heart knotted with anger. But no matter how much she cried or ranted, she knew the painful truth her sight was never going to return. A cloud of depression hung over Lois's once optimistic spirit. Just getting through each day was an exercise in frustration and exhaustion. And all she had to cling to was her husband Nick.

Nick was an Air Force officer and he loved Lois with all of his heart. When she first lost her sight, he watched her sink into despair and was determined to help his wife gain the strength and confidence she needed to become independent again. Nick's military background had trained him well to deal with sensitive situations, and yet he knew this was the most difficult battle he would ever face.

Finally, Lois felt ready to return to her job, but how would she get there? She used to take the bus, but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself. Nick volunteered to drive her to work each day, even though they worked at opposite ends of the city.

At first, this comforted Lois and fulfilled Nick's need to protect his sightless wife who was so insecure about performing the slightest task. Soon, however, Nick realized that this arrangement was not working - it was hectic, and costly. Lois is going to have to start taking the bus again, he admitted to himself. But just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe. She was still so fragile, so angry. How would she react?

Just as Nick predicted, Lois was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again. "I am blind!" she responded bitterly. "How am I supposed to know where I am going? I feel like you are abandoning me."

Nick's heart broke to hear these words, but he knew what had to be done. Nick promised Lois that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her, for as long as it took, until she got the hang of it. And that is exactly what happened. For two solid weeks, Nick, military uniform and all, accompanied Lois to and from work each day. Nick taught her how to rely on her other senses, specifically her hearing, to determine where she was and how to adapt to her new environment.

Nick helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her and save her a seat. Nick made her laugh, even on those not-so-good days when she would trip exiting the bus or drop her briefcase. Each morning they made the journey together and Nick would take a cab back to his office. Although this routine was even more costly and exhausting than the previous one, Nick knew it was only a matter of time before Lois would be able to ride the bus on her own. Nick believed in her, in the Lois he used to know before she would lost her sight, who was not afraid of any challenge and who would never, ever quit.

Finally, Lois decided that she was ready to try the trip on her own. Monday morning arrived, and before she left, she threw her arms around Nick, her temporary bus riding companion, her husband, and her best friend. Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty, his patience, his love. Lois said good-bye, and for the first time, they went their separate ways.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... Each day on her own went perfectly and Lois had never felt better. Lois was doing it! She was going to work all by herself!

On Friday morning, Lois took the bus to work as usual. As she was paying for her fare to exit the bus, the driver said, "Lady, you are a very lucky woman."

Lois was not sure if the driver was speaking to her or not. After all, who on earth would ever envy a blind woman who had struggled just to find the courage to live for the past year? Curious, she asked the driver, "Why do you say that you envy me?"

The driver responded, "It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are."

Lois had no idea what the driver was talking about, and asked again, "What do you mean?"

The driver answered, "You know, every morning for the past week, a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus. He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building. Then he blows you a kiss, gives you a little salute and walks away. You are one lucky woman."

Tears of happiness poured down Lois's cheeks. For although she could not physically see him, she had always felt Nick's presence. Lois was lucky, so lucky, for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight, a gift she did not need to see to believe.

Sometimes when it comes to love, we want to be touched, or feel or see love in ways that we want to see, feel or touched. Perhaps it was the way we were brought up, where our family members showed us love in the ways they only knew how...translating to love reception in ways that you become used to or know how, as they were what you were used to before. Understand that everyone is different, and in Gary Chapman's Five Languages of Love, he delineated the five different love languages that is known currently in the world that is penned down, and some of them includes: quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, tasks completion and one other I can't recall at this point in time.

Gifts of Love

"if he/she had spent so much effort, time and money to earn the money to buy the gift, and to take the time out and take note of my preferences in buying this gift, I am very grateful and blessed and I enjoy it"

For those who enjoy gifts or finds that they appreciate gifts or presents, it's not that they are materialistic, it's the value that they have assigned to the gift. You can take their thinking process as "if he/she had spent so much effort, time and money to earn the money to buy the gift, and to take the time out and take note of my preferences in buying this gift, I am very grateful and blessed and I enjoy it".

Words of Love

People who appreciate such love are those who enjoys to be caressed and loved with words of love and affirmation, such as "I love you", "you mean so much to me" and other verbal-love-related words. Take note that it's not just the words that they listen to, people who fall into such categories are people who are highly sensitive to words, their contents, their tone and the like, so they will appreciate it when their loved ones and friends take the time to speak to them in the ways they feel loved.

Works of Love

If you love me, you do what I have commanded you to do... Jesus

For Jesus, it was definitely certain that when He said what He said above, He's talking about if we do love someone, we do the tasks that will result in them feeling, knowing and thinking that they are loved. With human partners who enjoys works and labors of love, examples are parents waking up early to cook breakfast for their children, telling them bedtime stories, driving them to school. With love partners it can be helping each other with chores that they don't like, whipping up a favorite meal or doing something sexy for the other party =p Basically, people who enjoy this are practical people that shows love through demonstrations in way of love the other party appreciates.

Quality Time

For people who enjoys quality time, it's for people who enjoys quality time and moments with people that they appreciate. I definitely fall into this category - I don't care much for the food, or ambience, or gifts, but I do enjoy quality time and conversation with people who matter to me. As such, I will take time out to meet and have "coffee time" or meals with people who are important to me (take note: I spend lots of time reading on personal development and self growth books as well as time writing articles on personal development to share with you, because in the end, your personal development and growth is very important to me).

Of course, the above are a simplified version of what Gary Chapman's Five Languages of Love covers, and we may always change and evolve from one type to another type of love languages reception, but I find that I am more or less certain and fixed that I enjoy quality time more than anything else. That's why I'm also shifting gears to passive income...which the main reason is to spend time doing things that are truly important to me: spending time with my loved ones and helping people grow in their personal development. If you find that you have been having clashes with your loved ones and have been feeling unloved or bitterness or resentment, it perhaps may be time where you take a look at your love languages and his/her love languages.

I'm sending you love vibes now =)



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