I didn't understand the pain coupled with joy yesterday, as I heard of the testimony of how a brother in Christ in China, who was born with Mafan's Syndrome - overcame the multiple times he had "died" during his operation, to come back to life. Upon waking up in ICU, his surgeons commented to him:
I can only praise Jesus for such a wonderful, wonderful testimony, of how Jesus and God is wonderfully good.
At the same time, sad thoughts entered my mind, and they came in form of questions:
As I lifted up my hands in praise and worship, and prayer, I sought God for comfort and answer. Jesus, you are a wonderful, divine mystery.
I don't understand how I can lose such an important person in my life, feel so sad for the loss, but glad that as papa was in Christ, we will meet again...though that does soften the pain somewhat, yet, there is pain.
And how I wished that papa had survived, but I also am aware that God's ways are higher than my ways or wishes, and there is a possibility that God has a calling for papa to be back in heaven, plus...maybe papa has done and completed his life purpose for Jesus, and now he can enjoy his true retirement.
I don't think I can or will truly understand this, at least not for now. Maybe only when I get to heaven and see Jesus, when I get full understanding of all things, will I fully understand.
Now, all I can do, is to give thanks. Give thanks that I've had papa with us for a full 59 years on earth, that he had done his best, loved his best.